Why Toddlers Don’t Need to Share (And What Montessori Teaches Instead)

Do toddlers need to learn how to share? You might be surprised to hear this, but the answer is no. At least, not in the way most people expect.

In Montessori, we don’t force toddlers to share. Instead, we teach them to wait their turn, observe respectfully, and finish their work without interruption. These are real-life social skills rooted in child development, not arbitrary rules about “being nice.”

And yet, parents are constantly told to start teaching sharing from an early age. As a Montessori toddler teacher, I hear it all the time:

“We’re working on waiting and respecting others’ turns, not forced sharing.”

Even at the park with my son, I’ve watched well-meaning parents interrupt their own child’s play to hand something over – just because another toddler looked interested. It feels awkward for everyone. But the truth is, toddlers aren’t developmentally ready to share. And there’s a better way.

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What Sharing Really Means for Toddlers

Sharing is not a toddler milestone. It’s a learned behavior that develops slowly over time once the child has:

• A sense of self and ownership
• Impulse control
• Empathy and perspective-taking
• Emotional regulation

Most of these abilities don’t fully develop until ages 4–6 or beyond. So when a 2-year-old refuses to hand over a toy, they’re not being selfish; they’re being normal. This is just one reason why the so-called “terrible twos” are a myth. What looks like defiance is often just development in progress. Learn more about toddler behavior here.

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What Happens When We Force Toddlers to Share?

When adults pressure children to “share,” we often create:

• Confusion: Why did someone take my toy when I wasn’t done?
• Resentment: Why do their wants matter more than mine?
• Power struggles: If I want it, I better grab it fast before it’s taken away.

Instead of learning kindness, toddlers learn to defend what’s theirs and to distrust adult intervention.

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Why Montessori Doesn’t Force Sharing

In a Montessori environment, the rule is simple:
If a child is using something, they can continue until they are finished.

This builds:

• Concentration
• Confidence
• Respect for others’ space and time

We don’t take things away. We wait. This teaches children the natural rhythm of turn-taking without pressure. Montessori parenting focuses on cooperation, not compliance. Here’s what the Montessori approach to parenting really looks like.

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How to Teach Turn-Taking and Waiting Gracefully

Here are developmentally appropriate, Montessori-aligned ways to support toddlers as they learn real social skills:

Use Clear, Consistent Language

• “He’s still using it. You can have it when he’s done.”
• “You’re watching so patiently. That’s waiting with grace.”
• “Let’s wait together. I’ll sit with you.”

Model Everyday Waiting

• “We’re waiting our turn at the sink.”
• “I’m still on the phone. I’ll be ready to help you in a minute.”
• “The swing is busy. Let’s come back in a few minutes.”

Acknowledge Feelings Without Fixing

• “You really want that truck. It’s hard to wait.”
• “You feel upset that it’s not your turn yet. I see you.”

This builds patience without forcing fake generosity.

Need more phrases like these? Try this guide with Montessori alternatives to “Good job.”

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When Someone Takes Your Child’s Toy (Or Forces Them to Share)

Let’s talk about those awkward park and playdate moments. You know the ones.

Your child is peacefully playing, and another child grabs the toy right out of their hands. Or maybe another parent steps in and says, “Let’s share now,” and gently pries it from your toddler’s fingers to hand it over to someone else.

It’s uncomfortable. You don’t want to cause a scene. You know everyone means well. But inside you’re thinking,

Why is my child being told to give something up when they were using it first?

Here’s the truth: sharing under pressure isn’t kind – it’s confusing. Especially when your toddler was focused, engaged, and doing something meaningful.

Montessori teaches us to protect a child’s concentration and right to finish their work. Even if that “work” is just pushing a dump truck back and forth in the mulch. To them, that truck matters.

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What You Can Say in Real-Life Situations

Here are some phrases you can use to gracefully protect your child’s autonomy without offending other kids or parents:

If another parent urges their child to give something to yours:

“Oh, it’s okay! We’re actually practicing waiting. He doesn’t have to give it up just because we’re nearby.”

If another child takes your child’s toy:

(To your child) “You were using that. You can say, ‘I’m still using it.’ I’ll help you get it back.”

If your child is eyeing someone else’s toy:

“It’s hard to wait. We can sit together until they’re done. You’ll have a turn next.”

If someone comments that your child needs to share:

“We’re focusing on turn-taking. He’ll offer it when he’s ready.”

These small shifts in language show respect for everyone involved, and they model social grace far better than forced sharing ever could.

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Adults Don’t Share Like This. Why Should Toddlers?

Let’s reframe it:
No one asks an adult to give up their phone, car, or lunch just because someone else wants it.

So why do we expect toddlers to give up something they’re still using, on demand, with a smile?

We don’t want to teach toddlers to give up under pressure. We want to teach them how to hold space for others and themselves.

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Final Thoughts: Turn-Taking Builds Real Kindness

Toddlers don’t need to “share” to be kind. What they need is the time, space, and support to finish what they started, wait their turn, and trust the process.

Montessori teaches that respect isn’t a lesson, it’s a way of being. And when toddlers are respected, they grow into children who respect others – not out of guilt, but from understanding.

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🖨️ Free Download:

What to Say Instead: Real Phrases for Handling Sharing Struggles the Montessori Way
This printable cheat sheet includes helpful phrases for your toddler, other children, and adults in real-life scenarios like playdates and parks. Respectful, realistic, and rooted in Montessori.
👉 Download the free printable here